I’ve Lost Now I Compete

Wanted to say hi before my competition tomorrow.  Unlike my first show, it’s been a really chill day.  Seriously, I’ve been so laid back.  It’s nice for a change.  Cuddled with hubby before I got up and had breakfast.  The I spent the day painting on my tan, managed to throw in a few errands, and my kids and I practiced taekwondo for bit..  I’m  pretty much sick of plain egg whites, chicken, and asparagus  which is all I’ve been eating for the last 2 days.

Well…I did have a few spoonfuls of peanut butter.  I’m incorrigible.  I’m really looking forward to my treats tomorrow: dried mango, raw mixed nuts, blueberry flax granola, a Cliff bar (the closest I get to a cookie since I’m former sugar addict), and almond butter.  I won’t eat it all.  Yeah right!

I have a post show plan set in place.  Going to enjoy a fun meal with my friend tomorrow night and another with my family the next.  Then it’s back to the star chart plan with one fun food day a week.  By sticking to this I know I’ll be able to maintain.

The last 12 weeks have been very up and down.  But that’s pretty much life.  When I start I have all the motivation in the world.  Then a few days or weeks later I’m doing good not to drive through every drive-thru from here to Los Angeles.  Then a wave of motivation hits and I’m convinced I’ll be an American Gladiator.  Then life gets busy and I have trouble finding time to brush my teeth much less get a decent workout in.  Then….and so on…..

I wish I could say I feel amazing and can’t wait to get on the stage tomorrow.  But the truth is I’m slightly disappointed in my on-and-off-again discipline because I didn’t quite reach the goals I set for myself.  Had I been on my plan 100% or even 95% I would be feeling more confident. It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about being true to your word to yourself.   I believe when you set out to do something you should give it 100% but believing and doing are two different things.  I’m not complaining and I’m not fishing for compliments…just being real.  Every choice I made was just that a choice I made.  I don’t blame anyone.  It was my choice to give 90%.  Perhaps at this point of my life that was my 100%.  But if I’m honest with myself, the small voice tells I could have been a little more disciplined and pushed a little harder.

It’s a journey.

And I’m choosing not to forget where I came from.  I used to be the girl who hid candy in my glove box.  Or the girl who was forever going to start exercising tomorrow.  Or the girl who could eat a pint of ice cream as if it was only a tablespoon.  Or the girl that cried because none of my clothes fit.  I’m not that girl anymore, even if I didn’t commit 100%.  For that I am grateful.  I still can’t believe I’m at a place where I can wear on of those silly bikinis, fake some confidence, and walk on a stage to be judged like a terrier.  For years I dreamt about getting my body back after my kids but I’ve never imagined I’d do something like this!!!

I’m also grateful more than I can say for your encouragement and support.  So many times I was exhausted while working out alone in my dusty garage and wanted to quit.  But then I would think of you and the emails I’ve received.  I would think of the struggles you’ve shared with me and I would feel like I could run one more minute or get one more rep out.  This silly little blog cannot express my gratitude for the inspiration YOU have been to me.

Thank You!! (Like the white face and hands!)

xoxo
j

Tags: figure competition

About jennincat

I'm so happy you stopped by my little corner of the web where I write about fitness, food, and amazing women I "meet". I live in California with my wonderful husband and two rambunctious boys. I'm a personal trainer and dreamer. I enjoy most things but some of my favorites are reading, acting, camping, cooking, music, writing, traveling, and being in the moment with my favorite people! You can read more about me here! I hope you stop by often!

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