Seconds
I think I may have overestimated my will power. Maybe I’m not ready for chapter three of The Great Sugar Experiment.
Tuesday night, my husband mentioned he had been wanting ice cream all day. We were sitting on the couch and he looked so tired, sweet, and cuddly. I wanted to do something nice for him. I wanted to do for him what I knew he would do for me (if I was a normal person without ten ton food issues). “I’ll go get you some,” I said. We had the polite “No that’s okay” “Yes, really.” argument for about 10 seconds and I was out the door pausing briefly to say, “I can do this”. Yes, it was very dramatic as if I was on my way to make peace with an enemy who had deeply wounded me. I guess in some ways I was.
About 15 seconds into my drive I started wondering if I could find an ice cream without refined sugar at the large grocery store. Battle begins. I don’t need it. Just make some at home. They won’t have it. You said you have to make it. But if it’s natural sugar. Maybe….
My husband had specifically said he wanted “tiramisu” ice cream. I’m wandering down the ice aisle reading the labels seeing EVERY flavor a human could possibly imagine except tiramisu. My husband is probably the sweetest guy on the planet. However, he can be particular so I called to ask for another acceptable flavor. “Creme brulee?” he says politely. Seriously? I just scoured a mile long grocery aisle looking for tiramisu ice cream and now he wants “creme brulee” ice cream. I have boundaries. I’m nice enough to go out in the wet rainy weather to get him ice cream but not nice enough to search through 8000 pints a second time looking for a flavor that might not even exist. Annoyed, I read all the Ben and Jerry’s flavors over the phone while drooling worse than a Saint Bernard. Finally, my husband decides on Oatmeal Cookie Chunk. I grab the ice cream and hustle towards the checkout when a small section of the freezer catches my eye. I stop and words like “all natural”, “organic”, “dairy free” pop out. Hmmmm? I’ve never seen this little section before. Of course not, I’ve been avoiding the ice cream aisle for two years. Could there, would there, should there be a “natural sugar” ice cream?
I start picking up little pints of ice cream scanning the ingredients looking for one with honey or maple when I see these.
Up in the corner it says “agave sweetened”. I pick up the box and read the back. Two separate lists of ingredients and sure enough “sugar” (or one of its refined forms) is not listed. On the first list. However, on the second list for the chocolate coating I read “beet sugar”. I know good and well that “beet sugar” is refined sugar but crazy train had already started to pull away and jumping on. I saw only the word “beet”. Suddenly the ice cream bars belong in the vegetable family. It’s craziness, I tell ya. I threw the box in my basket and charged to the check out. Fast. A woman on a mission. Before I come to my senses and put them back.
I get home and nonchalantly tell my husband they had ice cream bars made with “all natural sugar”. Well almost. I sit down in front of the fire and unwrap my little bar. Soooo good. I’m shooting up. Two bites into it and I’m already thinking about the 3 left in the box. This is where the real problem lies. The bar is not the problem. While not leafy greens it isn’t the worst thing in the world to be eating. In fact, for being a processed sweet it’s not that bad with short ingredients list and only 10 grams of sugar mostly from agave nectar. (Been reading some stuff in question regarding agave…need to do more research but for now I’m considering it an okay natural sugar.) Ten grams of sugar is about 2.5 teaspoons, a quarter of the sugar in one can of coke and less than half of what the American Heart Association is now recommending. It’s me. I’m the problem. I spent the next 20 minutes thinking, okay OBSESSING, about the 3 bars left sitting in my freezer. I contemplated sneaking them out through the back door where I could eat them all in private in the pouring rain. I’ll just explain to my husband why they are all gone in the morning. Or maybe he wouldn’t notice? Or I could run back to the store in the morning to buy replacements? I thinking that I should just eat the whole box and go back to being sugar free tomorrow. I’m thinking I could just eat one more. I’m thinking. I’m thinking. I’m thinking about NOTHING else except the %$#!@*!@ ice cream bars.
“One is too many and a thousand is never enough.” as fellow blogger Liimu once reminded me.
There’s hope. There’s always hope.
Ultimately, I told myself that if I’m going to do this, then I have to do this. Stop at just ONE. I can’t live the rest of my life, “starting over“. I grabbed a piece of mint gum, feverishly finished cleaning the kitchen, and rushed to brush my teeth.
The questions remain. Was it worth it? Was that one little bar worth the 30 minutes of emotional turmoil that followed…because I’m not going back to where I came from?
I may not have had a second helping but I’m having second thoughts. Life almost felt easier without desserts.
xoxo
j
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This is my (almost) sane quest for insane health. Let's 
This quote might really help you. I sure know it helped me get through Thanksgiving this year after having an all out binge last year. I reminded myself of this quote by Deepak Chopra, “Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”
Awesome quote – Love it !!!
Your post really hit home with me. That is the exact emotional argument I have with myself every single day. I swore this would be the year but I still haven’t kicked my sugar habit. Thanks for sharing your struggle. I have spent my whole life feeling like I was the only one that had such inner turmoil about seeking out and eating sugar. I’m diabetic and I never could figure out why I ate stuff that is slowly killing me until I put the words sugar and addiction together! Thanks for all the inspiration and help. Hang in there. You can do this. You know you can!
Yesterday while at Safeway, I saw those little tempters!!! They are new, no? Since my parents are vegan I always looks at the non-dairy “ice cream” to see what’s new for them. I took a second look at them and I am not even a big fan of the choc/coconut combo.
I am on my third week of only-one-free-meal-a-week plan and you know, I am starting to feel as though things like apples and Cinnamon Raisin Ezekiel bread are like desserts. (I am on low carb, high good fats for a week to try to shake up scale).
I love the quote Tracey wrote above. One thing I try to tell myself when I want to go back for seconds, thirds, etc. is “You already KNOW what it tastes like Michelle!”
Happy Friday! xo
This is exactly where I am. In fact I am about to post a very similar post to my blog and start over once again. It is hard. A struggle is an understatement.
We all seem to fight variations of the same battle. Here is what has helped me,
“If you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always got.”
Helps keep it in perspective of where I am, where I have come from and where I hope to be heading!
What a great quote Brandi! Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs!!!
First of all, I just wanted to say that I just found your blog and absolutely love your story/mission! So thank you for that!
I recently started my own blog and I am so happy that I found yours!
I think it is great that you use the words “sugar addiction”. Because that is exactly what it is. In the brain almost the exact things happen as when you are addicted to drugs. In some lab experiments mice even chose sugar over heroin, after they got addicted to both! While most people understand that a recovering alcoholic simply has to stay away from alcohol, food has not reached a point yet, where this seems common sense as well.
The best tip I can give you is to treat this just as you would a drug/alcohol addiction. Cutting it out completely is the best way. Maybe your husband could stop eating these things for a while too, so that it is easier for you. If you can do it for a while, your cravings will disappear…
My husband has a serious carb-addcition (even though he only eats WHOLE grain pasta/breads etc.) I finally managed to make him go cold turkey, after we measured his blood sugar levels and he got scared. He is struggling every day now, he has cravings, headaches, is moody etc. It is like having a recovering crack addict in the house.
I wish you the best of luck and send you good thoughts and strength!
Thank you Health Foodie.
I actually did give up sugar for two years. If you are interested you can read the related posts here http://www.girl-heroes.com/category/sugar-addiction/.
My cravings did disappear but I really was missing “treats” so I decided to add natural sugars back into my diet this year. As you know it’s a very slippery slope for me. So far it’s going pretty well but only time will tell if I made the right choice.
I’m sorry to hear about your husband (I can totally relate) but he sounds very lucky to have you as a wife. How wonderful that you are supporting him like that!!
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I’m off to check your blog!
I just read your sugar posts. Wow, I am so sorry about all of this. You are right, it is very tricky.
On one side the only way to really get over it is by cutting it out (even natural sugar), but of course you do not want to live your whole life without treats…
I think this is a decision that only you an make by carefully weighing all the pros and cons. Are the treats really that important or is it may still the sugar craving talking etc. What about other treats? Does a smoothie satisfy you? Dried fruit? Applesauce? Sorbet (blended frozen fruit)? Or does it really have to be something like Ice cream/pastries?
I love chocolate for example, but I only eat 70% or 99%. Most people would spit it out, but it is really all about getting used to it. If you manage to get up that high, every other chocolate will taste to sweet that you can’t stand it. Even 70% taste so sweet to me now, that I can only eat half a square. Maybe I am weird in that I dislike very sweet things, but maybe it is just because I do not eat sweet things (except fruit and chocolate). I do sometimes crave something sweet, but even the tiniest piece of chocolate will satisfy that. If you do like chocolate, I highly recommend Lindt excellence bars. Ok, maybe I am biased because I am Swiss, but all the other stuff is not even real chocolate. Oh my, I am such a chocolate snob… hahaha
Thanks for your kind response!
You said my “logical” feelings better than I could. I’m still weighing and deciding. So far I feel okay about my decision. I’ve really been enjoying my hubby’s homemade ice cream on the weekends. Since he doesn’t make much it’s hard to binge on something that’s not there. As long as I can stick to his ice cream.
I sort miss chocolate but since I haven’t had it in over 2 years I don’t feel the need to add it back to my diet. Ice cream and rice pudding were the two things I missed most and the two things I’m experimenting with.
The thing is I agree with you it’s an addiction and an alcoholic wouldn’t would decide he/she could just have red wine but not vodka. So like I said I’m experimenting on a slippery slope. I just LOVE my hubby’s ice cream!
Thank you for your understanding and support. I need it!
Sounds like you have found a great solution! If you really like that ice cream and there is no danger of overeating it, go for it. Life is too short not to have treats like that.
I think the danger lies in over thinking it. When you think about your “problem” every time you eat it, not only is it less enjoyable but you redirect your focus on it and maybe trigger a “relapse”.
This might be the perfect opportunity for you to try some mental strategies.
As long as you refer to and think about yourself as a “sugar addict” you are one! I mean, what needs to happen for you to not be an addict anymore? See my point? Sugar addiction is definitely not something we are born with and in a way is more of a term for describing a behavior. And since you seem to have things under control (even eating to much sugar once is still “being in control” overall!) you are technically not a sugar addict.
Our mind is a powerful instrument, use it wisely. Sometimes you just have to fake it and lie to yourself, pretending to be something you are not (YET!) If you do it well and long enough you will start believing it. Sounds crazy, but it works so well! I have overcome many issues like that. I actively think of myself in a certain way and eventually I AM that way.
So, when you eat that ice cream, think things like: “Wow, I am so proud of myself, I have completely conquered my addiction”, “I can eat this one bowl and then be happy, I am so in control now”, even “I am so glad I do not struggle with sugar problems, it must be really hard for others” It may seem silly at first, but it is SO effective.
Also, think about this. Why is sugar so bad? It is bad if it has power over you, nothing should have more power over you than YOU. But you can overcome this. What else? Yes, if you eat it too much and too often and you have bad sugar control it can damage your health (arteries). But you can help this when you eat it with other foods (after a salad with vinegar for example) or after exercise. Yes, it can be bad because it is easy to eat too many calories of it and then gain weight. But you do not seem to struggle with weight at the moment (you look great) so a treat is perfectly fine. Sugar is not inherently “bad” so try t enjoy your treats without guilt or they are truly not worth it.
Hope this helped a bit! Humans and their relationships to food are so complex. This is just the way it is, luckily we can deal with it.
Okay I love you. Please don’t go away! 😉
You hit the “power” thing right on the head. That IS my fear. Since I’m brand new to the sugar thing after many many painful years followed by two powerful years I’m still nervous. You’re right. I can overcome this. I mean I am the little engine that could! 😉
Thank you again for the super thoughtful (and validating) comments. I know it took a little time to write those. THANK YOU.
You are SO welcome! No worries, I am not going anywhere.
Please, always feel free to come over to my place (blog) or email me.
You are so right! Even though I do not know you that well (yet) from what I have seen/read here you can do it FOR SURE! Your transformation is absolutely amazing. If you could do THAT, I am not worried one bit about this little issue here. Sometimes all we need is a different perspective. It is amazing how we can struggle with one thing for years and years and then one thing happens and *puff* the problem seems to disappear. Usually that “puff” happens right in our head. I just gotta invent a puff button that I can install in people’s head, it would be so much easier that way, haha.
Even though I have never seriously struggled with sugar, I have had my fair share of problems. And 100% overcome them with mind strategies. I really hope this works for you as well it has for me! I am cheering for you! Oh wait, I do not have to, you already solved your problem… 😉
I just found your blog. I love your weight loss pictures, they are such an inspiration! I also lost weight last year (55 pounds over 7 months). I know it’s really difficult to persevere and to fight off those addictions. But I actually think that temptations are there to give in to :-), only preferably in moderation (apropos seconds).
My bf developed an interesting strategy to help me with that: when he sees that I am going for the seconds, he tells me to wait 30 minutes. He says: “if after half an hour you still want that second ice cream take it.” Usually he makes me feel ashamed of my gluttony and by the time half an hour passes, I don’t crave ice cream any more.
This week I am doing a spring detox and posting my Weightlossophy tips every day http://cookingrookie.blogspot.com/. If you get a chance, it would be great if you could take a look and tell me your opinion – you’re clearly a guru on weight loss!